The “Becoming” posts were written from 2008 onward. They describe times in my life when it was clear that God was growing me — when I was becoming something other than who I had been.

They are on my business website to help other women understand that, no matter what their obstacles, God provides a path for them to become what He wants them to be as well.

Brave In The Mundane

Brave Isn’t Always Flashy

Did you know that something as mundane as doing laundry can be brave?

I am on a new adventure. This past week I moved from Florida to Nebraska. There are some brave stories — not flashy like saving someone’s life — in this and I’m hoping to share them so that they might benefit someone else. Background: If you don’t know me, then you don’t know that I’m legally blind and have lupus and rheumatoid arthritis (RA) which are pertinent facts in these stories.

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Yesterday was the day I decided laundry had to be tackled. Well, to be honest, the lack of clean clothes for my kids and me decided that. The small coin-operated laundry room in our building wasn’t going to cut it. It would take all day with us monopolizing the machines — and many quarters! I decided to find a laundromat so that all the loads could go at the same time and I did — one near us called LaundryLand. Grabbed an Uber and with my two ginormous bags of laundry, headed over. By myself. The kids (they’re adults, but still kids to me!) had other chores they were accomplishing. We all need to be ready to work Monday. Divide and conquer!

God Waits In Our Brave

I was anxious with a good dollop of scared. It’s scary to not trust what you think you can and can’t see. Lupus and RA are also factors in my strength and mobility and I can never be sure how my body’s going hold up. But this is an adventure and I can’t depend on any person to hold my hand through life.

Besides, God keeps showing up in HUGE ways through every step of this move.

He was with me in the laundromat, too. Seems silly to say that, but who thinks of God in the laundromat? I arrived shortly after opening, and the very kind attendant had time to cheerfully show me everything I needed to know before the Saturday throngs descended.

Learning Business Lessons In The Laundromat

Wondering how my trip to do laundry relates to business?

Here’s what I (re)learned yesterday:

God is everywhere. (In your business, your home, the laundromat.) There’s no place you can go that He isn’t there ready to meet you.

Do it scared. Especially if it is out of your comfort zone. If God has called you to a thing — big or small, business or personal — He will equip you to do it. My friend/business coach/mentor, Diane Cunningham Ellis, has referred to herself as “the Brave Coach,” and she consistently teaches that we’re never late to our own miracles and that God provides what we need when we need it. Just do the thing. Diane nudged/pushed me out of my comfort zone to start this business just about two years ago and my life hasn’t been the same since.

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If you need help, ask. Many friends have helped me through this last couple of weeks. Prayer, encouraging messages, practical help, so much more. In business, you can have the same. I pray for my clients and they for me. (How blessed am I that most of my clients have become friends!) If you’re in business, that doesn’t mean you are expected to know everything! Consult with someone who has already walked the path you are on. Someone has faced the same challenge you’re facing. Join a group of like-minded women. Just talking it through with someone else can help bring clarity. We aren’t meant to do life alone!

Don’t let fear stop you. God will meet you and provide for you in business just as He did yesterday in the laundromat for me.

If I can help, just email me. I’d love to be of encouragement or support.

My Summer On The Couch

summer on the couch

This is my couch. It is, for the most part, where I live these days.

I feel like a fraud. For all my talk of faith in God and His plan and being grateful that Rich has been released from his pain and now lives in the presence of God (and those things are true!) I have gotten to a place in my grief where I’m just not functioning well.  I’m having a hard time doing anything at all.  I miss Rich so much every day I can barely breathe.  I learned things that I wish I could unlearn and have made decisions that  I thought were sound but that I now question incessantly.  Getting out among people is painful and I’m becoming a real hermit. 

It hasn’t been all bad.  I’ve made some moves and done some things that stretched me beyond what I thought was capable.  For as much a mess as my mind is, my faith continues to grow stronger.  It’s funny in a way.  Someone, on the day that Rich died, wished that I would never find peace and, for right now, that person’s wish is coming true in spades.  I don’t believe, though, that this crippling state of mind is what my Father wants for me.  He’s allowing it, and I don’t exactly know why, but I trust that He will help me to pull out of it when it is time and that it is serving a purpose.

To that end, I’m starting with some grief counseling on Friday.  My kids gave me some time, let me binge watch all of the HGTV home shows, sitting on the couch, but finally they spoke up. “Mom, we don’t think you’re doing very well. We need you to be better.” GULP. It costs the moon and my insurance doesn’t cover it but this life, this living on the couch, isn’t what is meant for me.  It isn’t what God wants for me and it isn’t what Rich would want for me.  It sure isn’t what my kids need.

I feel a little bit — actually a lot — ashamed that I’m at the point of needing some help. But I’m going to get it anyway. I’m worth it.

(originally published 8/4/2010)

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